| i've got a dream with your face in it that scares me awake. | |||
| 6~28, 5:56am | |||
| i shouldn't talk to scott right before i go to bed. | |||
| what do you make of it? | |||
| stan and paintball | ||||
| 6~27, 12:28pm | ||||
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| what do you make of it? | ||||
confused| bum fights and kittens. | ||||
| 5~24, 10:50am | ||||
i dreamt that i was visiting michigan with my parents (dad and vanessa). i was hanging out with my cousin laura and my grandma ventura; we were shopping at kohls. laura just started picking up everything she liked and giving it to my grandma to hold and buy for her. she picked out some pj pants, about four or five dresses, and some shirts. my grandma went to the register to pay and told me to pick out something, too. so i grabbed this yellow dress. (i've really been wanting a yellow dress lately.) she gave laura all of her stuff and told me i could have my dress for christmas. but it was early summer. i knew she was just saying it in front of laura, because she didn't want laura to know that she spoiled me. which doesn't make sense, but that's what i thought. then, we left, and i went with my parents. i had just gotten some starbucks coffee when our car was attacked by bright pink warcraft raptors. so we all got in the car and started driving away. i had a couple bags of raptor food in the back of the suburban, and i grabbed them, opened the window, and began throwing the huge bags of raptor food out the window to deter them. well apparently, throwing bags of raptor food out of your car window is littering in michigan, and the cops pulled us over. i laughed and giggled and vanessa laughed and giggled, and the cop let us go with a warning and a tip: next time just throw the food out the window, not the whole bag. then we went to my grandma pcholinski's house. but my grandma and grandma-in-law were still in florida. and when we got there it looked like someone was squatting in the house. my grandma had three kittens that were living there even while she was in florida and someone was supposed to come feed them. but the kittens were starving!! and they were rubbing up on my legs for attention. so i fed them extra food and filled a big bowl with water. my dad, vanessa, and i went outside to see if we could find the squatter. she was up on the roof in the back of the house. in my dream, i recognized her as someone i went to high school with and called her magenta, but i actually just made her up in my brain. she was raunchy, a tall girl with disasterous hair, dyed orange and magenta, greasy and sticking out like there was elmer's glue shaping it. she was dirty, and obviously a bum. my parents and i told her to get off the roof and away from my grandma's house. i just knew that she and i were going to fight. so i held my cell phone behind my back and called 911. i wanted the police to hear the situation ahead of time so that i wasn't accused of starting the fight. she came down off the roof and pounced on me like a cat. she and i started rolling around, throwing fists. somehow we ended up in the front yard. it was nighttime now suddenly, too. we were pulling each other, pushing each other, hitting each other, and biting each other. all the while i was shouting for my dad to call the police. she was twice my size, and i couldn't do much to her. so i bit her ear off. it just kind of came off. it didn't bleed or anything. the we started pulling each other's hair. i was pulling huge chunks of her hair out of her head until she looked like a dilapidated barbie doll from my childhood. finally the police came, but they still thought that i was the one who was torturing this bum girl. so i started running. i got down the block and around the corner to this little shopping center. one of the stores there was a little punk rock record store where they had small shows and "cool" salespeople. a mosh pit had turned into a riot so i got involved and pretended i was one of the rioters. people were fist fighting and breaking everything in the store, including the glass windows at the front of the store. i decided with this punk rock atmosphere that i felt like cutting my wrists. so i grabbed a piece of broken glass from the window and started cutting myself. but the glass wasn't sharp enough. i put a bunch of little scratches on my wrists but couldn't draw blood. so i grabbed a different piece of glass and pressed harder. then i woke up. |
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| what do you make of it? | ||||
strange| shitting with the door open. | |||
| 2~3, 7:01pm | |||
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last night, i was talking to emily and jen*e on aim. we were just talking about whatever and suddenly jen*e says emmy just took a green shit. i couldn't get the image out of my head for the rest of the conversation. and they kept saying "green poop green poop green poop green poop." then later that night, i had the following dream: i dreamt i was taking a shit. i was in a ladies' public restroom, and i needed to shit. but there were no doors or walls around the toilets. there were just four toilets hanging out in the bathroom. i was with ashlee kazirut, and she was brushing her teeth in the sink. i thought the wall-less stalls would make for an awkward shit, but ashlee assured me she didn't care if i shit in front of her. then as i was mid-shit, who should walk in to the ladies' restroom but mr. darcy. and as i turned my attention away from my shitting to see who was walking in, my feet slipped, and i fell face forward, slow-motion style, shitty ass in the air, off the toilet. ashlee and mr. darcy turned to look at me. ashlee showed no emotion as if she'd seen me fall off the toilet plenty of times before, but mr. darcy just looked at me with disgust. he washed his face in the sink. and i woke up. |
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| 1 interpretaion| what do you make of it? | |||
| a few dreams about whatshisname... | ||||
| 11~16, 6:33pm | ||||
that's about all i have to update. |
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| what do you make of it? | ||||
| vomit and ice cream. | |||
| 10~20, 11:19am | |||
| so last night after i puked in the middle of the night, i had a dream about visiting my grandma phcolinski and eating coffee ice cream with chocolate chips and espresso beans. and hazel worked at the ice cream place. | |||
| what do you make of it? | |||
| i <3 capitalism. | ||||
| 9~19, 8:18am | ||||
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| 4 interpretaions| what do you make of it? | ||||
chipper| motion city soundtrack | ||||
| 8~8, 11:50am | ||||
and there were no babies or pregnancies. it was so fucking cool. |
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| what do you make of it? | ||||
| i fear pregnancy | ||||
| 8~8, 11:48am | ||||
it's fucking disgusting. |
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| 1 interpretaion| what do you make of it? | ||||
awake| a really f'in sweet dream... | ||||
| 6~20, 11:18am | ||||
and there were no dead family members or children cutting off their fingers with chain saws and no ghosts choking me. |
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| 2 interpretaions| what do you make of it? | ||||
| featured appearances: grandpa pcholinski and ashlee k. | |||
| 6~7, 2:20pm | |||
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i had two other dreams last night besides the pistons one. it was the only one i had time to write about this morning. first, i dreamt i was at my grandma pcholinski's house again. my dead grandfather was there. he and my other grandpa make fairly common appearances in my dreams. but in my dreams, my grandpa pcholinski is always dead. last night he was partially rotted and slightly green, but walking and talking as if coming back to repent his lifetime prejudices. i was a little creeped out in the dream, but glad to see him again. i don't remember much what he said in the dream. i only remember thinking about him this morning. i think he'd forgive my not wanting to be an engineer in exchange for wanting to be a lawyer. my grandmas are more excited about the fact that i have a boyfriend than they are about my going back to school, not that they don't care. but i think if my grandpas were still here, they'd be really proud of me. i think that's why i keep having dreams about them. and i really didn't get to say goodbye to my grandpa. his death was somewhat sudden. and i didn't even get to go to his funeral. part of me still expects to see him when i visit my grandma. then i had a bizarre but not terrifying dream about being in michigan. i was trying to hang out with ashlee k. and someone else. but when i was trying to contact the someone else to meet up with me and ashlee, i called the wrong person and left a voicemail on their machine to call back. so i got a call back from this older woman who was an old friend of my mom's and she asked, "do you still wanna go out?" and like a mildly humorous sitcom character, i said, "yeah, meet us at such-and-such cafe," even though i didn't want to or mean to hang out with this pathetic woman. ashlee was both the voice of reason and the patronizing too-late-now voice. she said, "well, why would you ask her to go out? you could've just said you cancelled plans or been honest and said you called the wrong person." and that was it. |
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| 1 interpretaion| what do you make of it? | |||
| pistons. | ||||
| 6~7, 8:45am | ||||
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| 2 interpretaions| what do you make of it? | ||||
| you don't like eggs? | ||||
| 5~13, 10:44am | ||||
then i had this dream. i was making breakfast for emmy, jen*e, and few more of my friends who i didn't recognize. we were all at scott's house and it was like the morning after above phone call. they pulled up in a little white car somewhat resembling emmy's first car and parked it in front of scott's. and when they came in, some things were sideways and upside down while we were talking. one minute we'd be sideways, the next right-side-up, and then for a second we'd be upside-down. they were telling me about their night last night and i offered to make some bacon, eggs, and toast. so i made them sit down at this little ghetto table we had in our dining area and started cooking. emmy made the scrambled eggs in a frying pan that had no handle, i threw the bacon on the only normal looking frying pan i had, and i put the toast in the oven on a cookie sheet with tin foil on it. the bacon and eggs were cooking on a stove top where the kitchen sink is actually located. and the toast i put in the regular oven. then when everything was done, we put it all on the kitchen table to eat. jen*e wouldn't eat the eggs. when i asked her why not, she said she didn't eat eggs. so i offered to make her some frnch toast. she said ok, so i went into the kitchen to make them. when i made it, i put eggs, milk, sugar, cinnamon, and "banana nutmeg" in the mix. i had to use this big pot to make it. i was digging in to reach the toast at the bottom. then we all sat at the table and ate breakfast. and they told me about their night. |
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| 1 interpretaion| what do you make of it? | ||||
| dying again... this time at the hands of ghosts. | ||||
| 4~25, 10:11am | ||||
the dream started in my bedroom where i was telling scott about some buried treasure left by some saint that was supposedly buried under the yellow stain in my carpet, right next to my bed. however, the treasure was cursed. we both decided to dig for it anywayz. scott cut out a piece of the carpet and the thin mat that were all that separated my room from the ground. we started digging with shovels until we got about four feet down, and i hit something hard. in my head, i heard a noise when i hit the hard object. it was almost like a hissing whisper, like i had let the curse out even before seeing or touching the treasure. but i can't remember what the hiss said. so i freaked out and told scott that we had to stop. he didn't quite understand, but i was panicking trying to get out of the small hole we had dug and get all the dirt back in. the next thing i knew, scott and i were at some cafe sitting at a tall table on high stools. it was dark outside. the cafe had full-length glass wondows surrounding it. i was drinking coffee and he was eating a sandwich (i should've know better than to drink coffee when i was nervous). he was getting on my case about the damage we'd done to the carpet in my room. he was basically telling me it was my fault and i needed to fix it. and even though we had both dug the hole and he had taken the carpet out, he blamed me. and i took the blame. i said impatiently, "i know. i'm the one who wanted to dig the hole so i'll pay for it to be fixed, alright?" then suddenly, scott's face drained of its color as he stared at the cafe window just to the left of and slightly behind me. "look," he said. i turned and saw two evil eyes with a very faint outline of a head and shoulders staring directly at me. his hands were pressed against the window. he was gray and smokey, almost not there at all. everyone in the restaurant got up and ran from the image; scott and i just sat and stared at it. at first he looked like he couldn't get through the window, then he suddenly passed right through it and stretched his smokey hands out toward my neck. i jumped off my stool but as soon as my feet hit the floor, his hands were around my neck and he pushed me to the floor. i felt a powerful warmth rush over my body. then there were more ghosts around me. i looked up at scott, and he just stared at me in fear, didn't move an inch. and i knew i was about to die. then i woke up, sweating and breathing heavy. and i wished scott was here. i kept telling myself there's no such thing as ghosts and this is the real world now, not the dreaming world. for a few seconds, i wondered what i had done to have such terrrible dreams like this. that old christian guilt thing crept up on me and i thought this may be my punishment for leading such a normal, rational life. i couldn't help but think for a passing second that there might be a god. then i laughed at myself and fell back asleep. |
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| 11 interpretaions| what do you make of it? | ||||
scared| turn down mr. darcy, but fuck tom cruise? | ||||
| 4~12, 10:11pm | ||||
i also dreamt that i got an 83 or 84 on my third economics test. premonition? i hope not. |
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| 3 interpretaions| what do you make of it? | ||||
pms| walking away from mr. darcy. | ||||
| 3~28, 11:26am | ||||
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| what do you make of it? | ||||
| al in a trashcan. | ||||
| 2~26, 12:26pm | ||||
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| 1 interpretaion| what do you make of it? | ||||
| red. | ||||
| 2~25, 7:58am | ||||
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| what do you make of it? | ||||
| no no no no no no no no no no no no... | ||||
| 2~22, 12:07am | ||||
dream dream dream when i want you in my arms when i want you and all your charms whenever i want you all i have to do is dream. i can make you mine taste your lips of wine any time, night or day. only trouble is, gee whiz, i'm dreamin' my life away. last night i had 2 dreams that i remembered. lately i've been having dreams where i wake up screaming. last night was the second time. the first time, i was so creeped out that i thought to write it in here but didn't because it gave me the heebeegeebees to recount it. so i'll just tell the scary part. for some reason, my mom was trying to kill me. she had her hands around my neck and i was freaking out. i pulled her one of her hands off my neck and bit her finger. and it came right off her hand like clay. i kinda fumbled it out of my mouth nauseated, and stared at her finger for a second... at first it looked like broken clay, pinched. then it started squirting blood like a fake limb on saturday night live. and it squirted all over my face and i felt it. i felt it being warm and liquid. scott woke me up because i was screaming, "no no no no no!!" i kind of remember waking up then getting sucked back into it. then finally hearing scott say, "kt! wake up!" last night i had a short dream about scott and this girl jennifer my dad used to date. (for the record and because it makes the dream more frightening, jennifer was about as dumb as a brick and wore excessive amounts of perfume. recall.) anywayz. i was standing. scott was sitting. i have no idea where we were only that it didn't matter. and i said something to scott about jennifer being the kind of girl he could never fuck because she's so dumb. and i was facing away from him and he said, "i am fucking her." and i turned and looked him in the eye and said, "what?" all pissed off-like. and he said, "i am fucking her." so i slapped him. and he just didn't move. so i said, "get out." and he didn't. "i said get the fuck out!!" and he left. and i just kept picturing him with her until i woke up almost in tears saying, "don't leave me! don't leave me!" and holding onto him. last night i also had a "male dream" again... the kind where almost every male i've known in my life makes a minor appearence. some peculiar guys i made especial note of were my brother shane and my step-cousin jesse who's getting married soon. my cousins jesse and jay i hardly ever see. they live in clawson but i hardly saw them even when i lived in michigan. and i've never had a dream with them in it. and shane... he's just never been in my dreams before either. al was there, scott was there, araz was there, my dad was there. then there were a bunch of guys from high school whose faces i barely remembered or recognized. everyone was in this big house... actually it was more like a huge condo. there were chips and dip in plates on the glass coffee table in the living room where al and some other guys were sitting. and there was a strange little island in the middle of the foyer, like an island that belongs in a kitchen with bar stools but it was just sitting there by the front door. then shane and jesse led me up this winding staircase. the staircase i remember perfectly for some reason. it had nice, new, white carpet over each step but there was space in between each step; it wasn't solid. the banisters were thick; the wood was kind of light colored. and they led me up the stairs and turned to the right at the top into this room where they told me i'd be staying with them. there were two twin beds that were, at first, arranged like my grandma pcholinski's guest room in her old house in florida, running parallel with the heads of each up against the wall to the left. the carpet in this room was white and new, too. then i went to set my stuff down near my bed. i looked down and when i looked back up the room was rearranged with the beds perpendicular against opposite walls. but it didn't seem strange. and that was all i rememebered this morning. |
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| 1 interpretaion| what do you make of it? | ||||
sleepy| i love the emo mafia | ||||
| 1~16, 10:23am | ||||
then there was a gang in my house. some sluts were in my bedroom fucking with all my shit. they weren't as cool as me. there were a bunch of guys in my living room smoking cigarettes. they all had mafia/emo clothing on. it was a whole new snazzy style. i liked it. they all made themselves comfortable, we chattted, and then they left without their sluts. and i was pissed. but they finally came back for them. |
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| 1 interpretaion| what do you make of it? | ||||
tired|
2nd_chance |
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